Category Archives: Funny Songs

“Do the Funky Sidewalk (Snow Dragon)”

Funny Songs, Original Music, Original Video Produced by Others

What becomes a growing legend most? How about…his own 70’s soul theme song?


Video:@BTVSnowDragon. Song composition, performance, and production: Nate Orshan (AKA Nato)

Snow Who?

@BTVSnowDragon is a made-up character who’s supposed to be one of (or all of?) the many sidewalk plows that are used to keep Burlington (Vermont) safer in winter for pedestrians. Whoever created and keeps this fun and funky character alive is still a mystery.*

The song was actually inspired by another fellow Vermonter, stalwart Twitter user @MeowVT (AKA Kitty), who posted this last summer:

It took me about a nanosecond to reply with something like, “A SONG? Did somebody say, ‘SONG’?!?”. I volunteered, and I encouraged @MeowVT to send lyrics…which, unfortunately, I then ended up not using.**

OK, and you did this…why?

You really have to follow @BTVSnowDragon to get a sense of his fun personality. The person behind Snow Dragon has done a bang-up job bringing this heretofore nonexistent character to life, and I’m sure it’s no easy feat to keep a fictional, online persona going all the time with style and consistency.

Unlike some other famous and mythical Vermont creatures, Snow Dragon is actually a very recent creation. The story is that it all started with Seven Days Digital Media Manager Tyler Machado, who wrote the following in January of 2012 in the midst of covering an interminable mayoral debate on Burlington transportation:

https://twitter.com/tylermachado/status/157618730057203712

The next day came an unexpected yet fateful answer, a short sentence sure to join the ranks of immortal lines such as, “Watson, come here, I need you”, “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind”, and “It depends upon what the meaning of the word ‘is’ means”:

All right, so, truth be told, that was actually Snow Dragon’s second post, as he had written his first tweet the previous day:

But apocryphal or not, Snow Dragon’s birth has been linked to Machado’s tweet, so much so that for most of last year I would have bet money on them being one and the same. I’m fairly confident that’s not the case, but the uncertainty highlights what makes Snow Dragon all the more intriguing: Nobody knows who the heck he is!***

OK, but…a soul song?

The truth is I have a sincere and abiding love of R&B from the 70s, and I’ve wanted to try creating a retro-soul song for a long time.

When I started thinking about a theme for Snow Dragon, I was quickly inspired by Isaac Hayes’ one-of-a-kind “Theme from Shaft”, and that song became a touchstone throughout the writing and production process.**** Among other things, the song gave me the opportunity to try out my best, soulful chest voice.

And what’s “The Funky Sidewalk”?

Essentially, it’s just a play on what some people would say after hearing Snow Dragon visit.

“Why’s the dog barking?”
“Oh, the plow just came by and did the sidewalk.”

But where most of the song might be an Isaac Hayes homage, the “Funky Sidewalk” bridge is a straight-up ripoff tribute to The Godfather of Soul…you know, that part of the song where he’d exhort the crowd to “Do the Mashed Potatoes”, “Do the Popcorn”, “Do the James Brown”, etc.

And here’s your chance to get in on the fun:

Send @BTVSnowDragon a video of you doing “The Funky Sidewalk”!

Snow Dragon wants to do a follow-up video showing people doing their own version of “The Funky Sidewalk”. What would that look like? Here’s a little inspiration thanks to Vermonters @RowGirl2012 and @n8zog:

I was also delighted recently to see WPTZ’s Bridget Shanahan and Tom Messner getting into the spirit of things, asking their viewers to send Snow Dragon their own “Funky Sidewalk” videos. Will they contribute a dancing video of their own?

WPTZ's Bridget Shanahan and Tom Messner talk about 'Do The Funky Sidewalk (Snow Dragon)'

So, hey, funky people near and far: Film yourself doing “The Funky Sidewalk”, then write to SNOWDRAGON {at} GMAIL.COM.

In the end, if “Do the Funky Sidewalk (Snow Dragon)” helps cement Snow Dragon’s fame as an (unofficial) mascot for our Department of Public Works or a quirky (unofficial) representative for Burlington, Vermont, then I can say we did a good job by doin’ the Funky Sidewalk.

Do the Funky Sidewalk (Snow Dragon)

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

Now the blizzard’s on and freezin’ winds blow
(Snow Dragon!)
Comes a mighty sound outside your window
(Snow Dragon!)

When the flakes begins to fly
Snow Dragon’s on your side
Don’t you wanna take a ride?

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

In the Queen City’s cold and stormy hour
(Snow Dragon!)
He pushes through for me and you with power
(Snow Dragon!)

Beams high, blades down low
Goin’ where angels fear to go
Nothin’ more he loves than snow

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

Everybody!…

   Do the Sidewalk
   Do the Sidewalk
   Do the Funky, Funky Sidewalk…

Clearin’ sidewalks like no one else can do now
(Snow Dragon!)
Makin’ sure you can get to work and school now
(Snow Dragon!)

With his blade so well-endowed
The Queen City’s safe for now
So give a wave to our favorite plow

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

   Snow Dragon!
   Go Dragon!
   Go, go, Snow Dragon!

…Get your plow on, Snow Dragon…

…”Beep, Beep!” means I love you in Snow Plow…*****

© Copyright 2013 Nate Orshan

* And, no, I’m not Snow Dragon. As of this posting, I still don’t know who their true identity. I think it’s someone who identifies as male…but maybe that’s just more subterfuge to throw me off the trail…

** By the time I sat down to work on the song writing, I had a pretty definite idea of the song’s melody and structure, and, try as I did, I just couldn’t fit Kitty’s lyrics into the form and meter. I did make an attempt to write a different soul tune with them, and, although her lyrics were great, the music itself just didn’t have the same oomph as the current tune. It calls into question whether I’m actually any good at adapting someone else’s lyrics, a hypothesis I should test again…

*** For the record: I’ve never met Snow Dragon and have only communicated with…him?…via email. I’m not Snow Dragon, nor do I play him on TV.

**** What? You’ve never heard it? Who’s the cat who won’t cop out when there’s danger all about?

***** “Get your plow on” and “Beep means ‘I love you’ in snow plow” are both real Snow Dragonisms, just like his snowplow smiley, “:]”.

“Hoodie-Footie #3”

Funny Songs, Original Music, Original Video

Just in time for winter*, let your heart and soul get toasty-warm with my newest video, “Hoodie-Footie #3″:”

Why? Well, if my previous attempts at a heartfelt folk-pop number, a 70’s Hall-and-Oates soul wannabe, and a for-real attempt at hip-hop aren’t enough to convince you of the many virtues of Vermont’s own superawesome adult onesie…well, one more song oughta do it…

Hoodie-Footie #3

Hey, you with the sandals and the suntan
Winter’s comin’ and there’s nothin’ better than
A Hoodie-Footie!
A Hoodie-Footie!
When Hoodie-Footie is around,
That is where I will be found:
Hoodie-Footie!

Hey, when you’re cruisin’ down the highway
You look so fine when you’re doing it my way
In a Hoodie!
A Hoodie-Footie!
When Hoodie-Footie is around,
That is where I will be found:
Hoodie-Footie!

Hey, don’t even bother with a sweater
Everybody knows you look much better
In a Hoodie!
A Hoodie-Footie!
When Hoodie-Footie is around,
That is where I will be found:
Hoodie-Footie!

Hey, you with the backpack and the power drink
Time for finals, but you find yourself thinkin’
‘Bout my Hoodie!
A Hoodie-Footie!
When Hoodie-Footie is around,
That is where I will be found:
Hoodie-Footie!

Hey, you wanna keep your loved one warmer
Here’s a suit that’s a real performer
Hoodie-Footie!
A Hoodie-Footie!
When Hoodie-Footie is around,
That is where I will be found:
Hoodie-Footie!

So come on over, but don’t you bother knocking
‘Cuz we’re all zipped up, and everybody’s rocking
In a Hoodie!
A Hoodie-Footie!
From the bottom to the top
All the fun doesn’t stop
From the east to the west
It’s the suit that’s the best
Every day and every night
I’ll be zipped up tight:
Hoodie-Footie!

© Copyright 2010-2012 Nate Orshan

Full disclosure: I am not making money from any of my Hoodie-Footie songs. I used to be a part of PajamaGram parent company Vermont Teddy Bear Company, during which time I wrote these songs (after work) hoping they might prove of some use. Bottom line: All of my Hoodie-Footie songs were basically delightful writing exercises for me.

Having said that…yeah, PajamaGram is a great Vermont company, and nothing would please me more than learning that these songs helped convince some folks to join “Team Hoodie-Footie”. It’s a very warm and very comfy team, yo.

* In the Northern Hemisphere, of course. In the Southern Hemisphere, it’s time to enjoy summer.

“Luiza” Live at Rose Street

Funny Songs, Original Music, Original Video
Last Friday, July 6, I was lucky enough to play at the Rose Street Artists’ Cooperative and Gallery Coffeehouse. I was actually doubly* lucky in that I was able to record my set on video, so I can start to share some more live songs! This week’s edition: The first song of the set, “Luiza”:

The inspiration for “Luiza” was my penchant at that time for chronic tardiness, a source of understandable friction with Kit, my then-girlfriend (now-wife). As she’s happy to remind me in front of anyone, I showed up late to our first date…and had brought along a couple of copies of Wired magazine to read just in case she had turned out to be the late one. Smoooooooth. Luckily, she saw fit to forgive, and, years later, here we are.

The song came about a few months after that first date. It actually started life as “Priscilla”, but the name wasn’t quite sing-songy enough for the melody I had (no offense to all the Priscillas out there), so I asked Kit to join me for an impromptu brainstorming session of three-syllable women’s names. In short order, she suggested “Louisa”, and it was like Cinderella and her prince’s slipper: A fit so good, it was destiny at work…Except I preferred the name’s Spanish equivalent, “Luiza”, which I thought looked a lot cooler (no offense to all the Louisas out there). I changed the name to “Luiza”, and a hyperbolic list song was born.

A word about Rose Street Artists’ Cooperative and Gallery: Around since the late ’90s, this combination living and studio space has a mission to “combine creative expression with the commitment to community involvement“. My friends Winnie and Ted Looby have run a sporadic open mic for years and are now starting it back up on a monthly basis. The difference between their coffeehouse and others around town is that this is a purely non-commercial affair. Also, the acoustics are wonderful. (In the case of this video, a little too wonderful: The hissing noise you can hear in the background is the multiple fans deployed around the room in an attempt to cool down some of the early July heat. You can probably also hear child noises, too. Kids are always part of the mix at Rose Street!) The architecture firm Duncan Wisniewski has more about this old bakery converted into an apartment complex in Burlington’s Old North End.

Quick word about lyrics: I wrote this song a couple of years before 9/11. If I were writing it now, I’d probably pick some exemplar of evil other than the “smart interrogator”. It’s supposed to be a fun(ny) song, not evoke visions of Guantanamo and Dick Cheney. So don’t go there. In any sense.

Luiza

Well they threw me in a padded cell,
Fed me poison so I’d never tell,
But you know I never ate so well,
     Unless you count grade school

And I woke up in a burning plane
In a nose dive for the coast of Maine,
And Jesus, is this happening again?
     I’m missing our dinner

Luiza, are you still mine?
Are you still mine?

A smart interrogator leaves no trace
So I couldn’t get a look at his face
Will this evil ever be erased?
     I’ll give it a weekend

I was stranded in a savage land
With a pride of lions close at hand
In a dream it seemed that we’d made plans
     My memory escapes me

Luiza, are you still mine?
Are you still mine?

And through all of the trauma
I heard your name
They foreclosed on my sanity
Just the same
Going once, going twice,
Sold to the high bidder
Here’s a piece of advice:
Pay the nice baby sitter

When I think of my supreme ordeal,
Living hell would have a nicer feel
Can you doubt that what I say is real,
     Not revisionist history?

Give me liberty or give me death
Put this freedom to an even test
Then I see you in that slinky dress
     Let’s not be too hasty

Luiza, are you still mine?
Are you still mine?

© Copyright 1999-2012 Nate Orshan

* “Dubly” jokes, anyone?